Thursday 29 January 2009
I hate these kids
Now anybody that knows me will know that I've never fully understood Animal Collective's appeal but I'm starting to come around to it. I'm saying this because I don't want you to think that I hate the kids because they're saying bad things about a band I like; the reason I hate them is their reasoning for hating Animal Collective: they've become "too popular".
In Dasal's earlier post obscure and pretentious we had two guys making fun of and being ironic about dudes who try to act cool because they listen to way obscure music. That video is funny. The fact that there are people out there like it makes me mad, especially with the demeanor that the kids in this video have as if they have some God-given right to tell everyone what's right and what's wrong.
What also makes me mad is that they don't even give a good reasoning for turning against Animal Collective apart from the fact that now more people have heard of them, surely a good thing right? My personal favourite band Radiohead have garnered quite a lot of press attention surrounding the release of their last album, shit, they're even playing at the Grammy Award Ceremony but you don't see me flying off the chain about it.
They try to act cool by turning each song title into a pun that makes fun of Animal Collective. This bit's actually quite funny but only to laugh at how pathetic they are.
The bit where my blood really boiled is right towards the end when they say "it was cool to be a fan", thus admitting that they only listen to Animal Collective because they're trying to look cool and are now jumping ship because they don't want to be grouped with everyone else. They need to stay "indie".
Idiots. Even the cat looks unimpressed, he probably has more brains than any of them.
Rob
Monday 26 January 2009
Franz Ferdinand review
Just thought I'd let you know that my review of Franz Ferdinand's new album 'Tonight: Franz Ferdinand' is up at onethirtybpm.com
Click here to read it.
Cheers, Rob
Click here to read it.
Cheers, Rob
Saturday 24 January 2009
Ateaseweb.com - A Community. A Way of Life. A Religion. (My reply to Dasal)
I feel in Dasal's previous post he has been a bit harsh on atease, which to me is the greatest community on the internet.
Yes, most people there are attracted to the Main Forum where the only thing discussed is Radiohead, Radiohead and more Radiohead. I spent my first two or three years on atease only in this forum in threads where we made up and posted fake IM conversations with band members or discussed why Phil always wears a purple shirt or ranked their songs for the THIRTY MILLIONTH TIME.
But one day I ventured outside the Main Forum and discovered that atease offers SO MUCH MORE.
If I were to list for you all the bands that I have discovered through the atease Music Forum it would... well it would be a damn long list!! If you want to be cool and talk about bands that nobody's heard of, go to gigs that aren't sold out, criticise Pitchfork yet still comply to what it dictates as 'Best New Music' or develop an addiction to obscure music that means you have to download at least 5 albums a week then this is the place for you!
Atease has also led me to discover plenty of other great things such as what.cd, Arrested Development, last.fm, Twin Peaks, the ABSOLUTELY AMAZING Mark Gormley... I could go on, whereas Dasal has introduced me to, amongst other monstrosities, Ken Park and Girls and Corpses.
On atease there is always somebody there to listen. Who else out there is going to debate with me over whether Locke is actually dead or not? Where else can I state my opinion and have a 50% chance that someone will listen (and a 10% chance that they will give a crap)? Where else can I complain about my musically ignorant friends and know that they'll never find out?
So if any of this sounds of any interest to you, please come and join us at Atease, the coolest place on the internet for uncool people.
Rob
p.s. Avoid Main Forum and only go into General Chat if you aren't easily offended.
p.p.s. If you decide to join us, I'm Temporaryism, say hey!
Yes, most people there are attracted to the Main Forum where the only thing discussed is Radiohead, Radiohead and more Radiohead. I spent my first two or three years on atease only in this forum in threads where we made up and posted fake IM conversations with band members or discussed why Phil always wears a purple shirt or ranked their songs for the THIRTY MILLIONTH TIME.
But one day I ventured outside the Main Forum and discovered that atease offers SO MUCH MORE.
If I were to list for you all the bands that I have discovered through the atease Music Forum it would... well it would be a damn long list!! If you want to be cool and talk about bands that nobody's heard of, go to gigs that aren't sold out, criticise Pitchfork yet still comply to what it dictates as 'Best New Music' or develop an addiction to obscure music that means you have to download at least 5 albums a week then this is the place for you!
Atease has also led me to discover plenty of other great things such as what.cd, Arrested Development, last.fm, Twin Peaks, the ABSOLUTELY AMAZING Mark Gormley... I could go on, whereas Dasal has introduced me to, amongst other monstrosities, Ken Park and Girls and Corpses.
On atease there is always somebody there to listen. Who else out there is going to debate with me over whether Locke is actually dead or not? Where else can I state my opinion and have a 50% chance that someone will listen (and a 10% chance that they will give a crap)? Where else can I complain about my musically ignorant friends and know that they'll never find out?
So if any of this sounds of any interest to you, please come and join us at Atease, the coolest place on the internet for uncool people.
Rob
p.s. Avoid Main Forum and only go into General Chat if you aren't easily offended.
p.p.s. If you decide to join us, I'm Temporaryism, say hey!
Thursday 22 January 2009
Scattergories - i hate/love it
Our house has found a new love, the board game without a board, the brain aching word puzzler. Scattergories.
This game sees each player try and come up with a word for each category on a prechosen list. Unfortunately this isn't so easy. The word must begin with a letter randomly chosen by a 26 sided die, and the list must be completed in a time limit. Tricky.
Since getting this game before for Christmas, it seems our house, and everyone who visits our house will be unwittingly drawn into a game. Even worse, once you've played one game, you can't stop, and invariably carry on till your brain cells collapse. I wouldn't be surprised if this game led me to a stroke one day. I hate this game, but unfortunately I'm addicted to it. I seem to have an uncanny knack for it and end up winning nearly every time, leading to a small fleeting high. This game is worse than crack.... I'd imagine.
Essentially we on In Transit have become so obsessed with this game that we're spreading it to the world, evangelising (dealing) this game (drug) to the masses by playing the game live on air in next weeks show. Don't worry we won't waste your time, we'll use song time as our timer! Anyway, you won't get bored, you'll get hooked and intrigued, possibly even buy it. Don't get drawn in, those damn Parker Brothers don't need any more money.
Dasal
This game sees each player try and come up with a word for each category on a prechosen list. Unfortunately this isn't so easy. The word must begin with a letter randomly chosen by a 26 sided die, and the list must be completed in a time limit. Tricky.
Since getting this game before for Christmas, it seems our house, and everyone who visits our house will be unwittingly drawn into a game. Even worse, once you've played one game, you can't stop, and invariably carry on till your brain cells collapse. I wouldn't be surprised if this game led me to a stroke one day. I hate this game, but unfortunately I'm addicted to it. I seem to have an uncanny knack for it and end up winning nearly every time, leading to a small fleeting high. This game is worse than crack.... I'd imagine.
Essentially we on In Transit have become so obsessed with this game that we're spreading it to the world, evangelising (dealing) this game (drug) to the masses by playing the game live on air in next weeks show. Don't worry we won't waste your time, we'll use song time as our timer! Anyway, you won't get bored, you'll get hooked and intrigued, possibly even buy it. Don't get drawn in, those damn Parker Brothers don't need any more money.
Dasal
Internet Music Forums - A Dark Place
The ever lovable Rob, has a dark secret. Well, i say secret, but if he's within 10 yards of a computer you'll see it soon enough. That's right, he's an ateaseweb member.
I recently decided i needed to get to know my co-host better, and, as i was bored, i thought there was no way better than to delve into the depths of the most argumentative, pretentious and critical music message board around.
For those of you who have never heard about this shady place, atease is originally an radiohead message board, but has grown since its conception into a music and even general message board. I personally ended up spending most of my time browsing the food threads, but i found my enemies even in this seemingly benign topic.
I think atease can be summed up by encylopedia dramatica's article in:
"There are three types of people on Atease: those who post strictly in the main forum and worship Radiohead members' various body parts, those who post strictly in the other music forum and compulsively create lists to prove their musical nerdiness, and those who stay mostly in general chat and are obsessed with pwning one another"
My first horrific encounter with this obsessive and frankly angry side was when i was posted a thread asking if there are any foods which Americans like and British people don't; such as root beer. One ateaser came up with the sensible suggestion of grapefruit. This was followed up with "gRAPEFRUIT - brilliant cut in half, sprinkled with sugar then shoved up a girls c*!t." Highly inappropriate and ungentleman like behaviour I'm sure you'll agree. Unfortunately these sorts of replies are far too common. However, even more annoying are the pointless polls such as "is ice a real food?"
Damn these people are bored.
After my short spell on ateaseweb, i have concluded that this world isn't for me. I can't cut it with these people, there constant need for oneupmanship, pretentiousness and inappropriate conduct have got to me. How this website has been going for 10 years is beyond me. Actually, its because of the obsessive and ever so slightly neurotic fans. I believe I've gained a quintessential view into Rob's psyche, and can happily conclude he isn't one of these sorts of fans, but is simply part of the small minority of ateasers that are actually normal.
resources, if you dare - ateaseweb
Dasal
I recently decided i needed to get to know my co-host better, and, as i was bored, i thought there was no way better than to delve into the depths of the most argumentative, pretentious and critical music message board around.
For those of you who have never heard about this shady place, atease is originally an radiohead message board, but has grown since its conception into a music and even general message board. I personally ended up spending most of my time browsing the food threads, but i found my enemies even in this seemingly benign topic.
I think atease can be summed up by encylopedia dramatica's article in:
"There are three types of people on Atease: those who post strictly in the main forum and worship Radiohead members' various body parts, those who post strictly in the other music forum and compulsively create lists to prove their musical nerdiness, and those who stay mostly in general chat and are obsessed with pwning one another"
My first horrific encounter with this obsessive and frankly angry side was when i was posted a thread asking if there are any foods which Americans like and British people don't; such as root beer. One ateaser came up with the sensible suggestion of grapefruit. This was followed up with "gRAPEFRUIT - brilliant cut in half, sprinkled with sugar then shoved up a girls c*!t." Highly inappropriate and ungentleman like behaviour I'm sure you'll agree. Unfortunately these sorts of replies are far too common. However, even more annoying are the pointless polls such as "is ice a real food?"
Damn these people are bored.
After my short spell on ateaseweb, i have concluded that this world isn't for me. I can't cut it with these people, there constant need for oneupmanship, pretentiousness and inappropriate conduct have got to me. How this website has been going for 10 years is beyond me. Actually, its because of the obsessive and ever so slightly neurotic fans. I believe I've gained a quintessential view into Rob's psyche, and can happily conclude he isn't one of these sorts of fans, but is simply part of the small minority of ateasers that are actually normal.
resources, if you dare - ateaseweb
Dasal
New Issue of Under City Lights!
The newest edition of UCL's amazing music fanzine has just been released!
It features contributions from myself, our good friend (and editor) Edwin and lots of other knowledgeable people from around UCL!
Features include:
So check it out now at: http://undercitylightszine.blogspot.com
or if you're on the UCL campus pick up a physical copy from the Union or the CSC.
Cheers, Rob
It features contributions from myself, our good friend (and editor) Edwin and lots of other knowledgeable people from around UCL!
Features include:
- Interviews with: High Places, Crystal Stilts, Male Bonding and Graffiti Island
- Reviews: Franz Ferdinand and Deerhunter albums, Okkervil River Live
- Our Mixtape: An eclectic mix of songs chosen by all of the different contributors and it's FREE to download!
- and more!
So check it out now at: http://undercitylightszine.blogspot.com
or if you're on the UCL campus pick up a physical copy from the Union or the CSC.
Cheers, Rob
Monday 19 January 2009
In Transit Show: 18th Jan 2009
Playlist:
Format: Artist - Song (Album)
Format: Artist - Song (Album)
- The Flaming Lips - Fight Test (Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots)
- El Guincho - Palmitos Park (Alegranza)
- Modest Mouse - The View (Good News For People Who Like Bad News)
- Coldplay - Lovers in Japan (Viva La Vida or Death and All His Friends)
- Born Ruffians - Barnacle Goose (Red, Yellow & Blue)
- The Shins - Girl Inform Me (Oh, Inverted World)
- The Hold Steady - Stuck Between Stations (Boys and Girls in America)
- M83 - Graveyard Girl (Saturdays = Youth)
- The Contours - Do You Love Me (Do You Love Me (Now That I Can Dance))
- The Stooges - TV Eye (Fun House)
- Whiskeytown - Mirror, Mirror (Pneumonia)
- The Tallest Man On Earth - The Gardener (Shallow Grave)
- ABBA - Does Your Mother Know (Voulez-Vous)
- B.J. Thomas - Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head (Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid OST)
Friday 16 January 2009
So Long Astoria
I went to some great gigs there including shows on my 18th and 19th birthdays. The highlights included my discovery of Metronomy and my first time seeing Los Campesinos! live and I had hoped to see many more there in the future.
The reason behind the demolition of the Astoria is because that area is to become part of a new cross-London rail service. Previous Mayor of London Ken Livingston put the final nail in the coffin last March, but at the same time promised a new venue nearby. I'm not entirely sure of his sincerity in that matter at the time and the fact that he has now been replaced in office by Boris Johnson probably means that those plans are even less likely if not forgotten completely.
Another point of contention for me is the fact that the new venue that Livingston promised is supposed to be bigger - we don't want bigger! At the moment it seems that there are not enough 2-3000 capacity venues in London. Even if they were to build a new one it would not have the history that the Astoria had, a great example of this is Radiohead's Live at the Astoria DVD of their performance there in 1994. For decades now it has been a cornerstone in many band's careers to play at the Astoria on their path to fame; I mean, even Nirvana played there!!
Perhaps most enraging is the fact that the Astoria had to cancel it's final send-off party because Transport for London gave them 28 days notice to get out, which did not give them enough time to organise it. I mean honestly, I know this is not the death of a person, but where is the respect!?
Oh well, goodbye Astoria, you shall be missed.
Rob
Tuesday 13 January 2009
In Transit says Sorry!
This is our collective apology for promising you a show on the 11th of January and then not being able to provide you with one. We hope you forgive us.
Saturday 10 January 2009
Indie - Obscure & Pretentious
"In Transit" and therefore "Tin Trains" is supposedly an indie targeted show. I think we can all acknowledge this, what with the show featuring the likes of The Muppets and Mary Poppins whilst displaying a penchant for Leonard Nimoy.
Lately, we have been shocked at how "un-indie," and thus obviously uncool (not pretend indie uncool) we have become. Everyone knows, at least the ones who are hip, that indie is a state of mind, a nirvana if you will. A constant quest that we must all strive for and only a few of us, such as In Transit, can ever possibly achieve. Unfortunately for the normal human being this is all too hard and thus, we are better than you. However it seems we have lost sight of this, so in an attempt to revive all credibility I tracked a video which explained just how. What it means to be indie.
Summing it all up is my favourite line, "You're born Indie, they've proven it, it's genetic."
Bastards, these guys are wannabe In Transiters. They'll never be as obscure and pretentious as we are in heart. This new year the radio show will be back, better, and even more obscure and pretentious, probably not on the last one .
Dasal
Lately, we have been shocked at how "un-indie," and thus obviously uncool (not pretend indie uncool) we have become. Everyone knows, at least the ones who are hip, that indie is a state of mind, a nirvana if you will. A constant quest that we must all strive for and only a few of us, such as In Transit, can ever possibly achieve. Unfortunately for the normal human being this is all too hard and thus, we are better than you. However it seems we have lost sight of this, so in an attempt to revive all credibility I tracked a video which explained just how. What it means to be indie.
Summing it all up is my favourite line, "You're born Indie, they've proven it, it's genetic."
Bastards, these guys are wannabe In Transiters. They'll never be as obscure and pretentious as we are in heart. This new year the radio show will be back, better, and even more obscure and pretentious, probably not on the last one .
Dasal
Thursday 8 January 2009
The Life Traumatic : Episode 1
The Life Traumatic is the new cartoon strip from the designer of the background of this blog, Ryan Hakimian. It focuses on the more bizarre, unseen side of life. A new strip will be out weekly.
Tuesday 6 January 2009
Do not watch "Ken Park" unless Recording a Reaction Video
It seems i have received a veritable flurry of messages (2), law suits (1-ish) and threats on my life (0) from people who have, against my advice, watched the controversial film "Ken Park" by Larry Clark.I mentioned "Ken Park" in my first blog on Tin Trains as an example of a director who made one messed up awful film and followed it with a fun, cool and still slightly strange film (Wassup Rockers). It seems i didn't make a good enough case for how weird, distasteful and well, fucked up this film is, instead making it sound almost intriguing. Now i had two ideas on how to correct this. One to write a post explaining how shocking the film is, and the other was to try and post a few more blogs around making it sound more enticing, creating some sort of new, albeit longer, "2girls1cup."
This idea appealed to me. I could see it. Five years from now there would be 1000's of YouTube videos of peoples reactions to watching the film and office workers would send each other disguised links to the worst bits of the film just to mess with their minds. A more elaborate, extended rickroll say.
However i decided to choose the first option, missing out on my chance of becoming an urban legend. There is a reason why "Ken Park" isn't heard of much. It wasn't allowed a cinema showing in 100's of countries. I'm not even talking the fun ones like Saudi Arabia or China, even supposed liberal ones such as New Zealand banned the film. The film almost made it to release in the U.K. until Larry Clark, the director, punched and strangled the head of the film's distribution company backstage at a film festival. I have decided to create a user-friendly handy list for all the reasons why this film shouldn't be watched / will scar you for life.
- Suicide in the 1st minute of a teenage boy
- Incest
- Rape
- Auto asphyxiation Masturbation - choking oneself whilst knockin' one off
- A naked kid murdering his grandparents in their sleep
- A false marriage of a father and daughter
- BDSM
- Underage sex - incredibly graphic ( actors weren't actually underage)
DO NOT WATCH THIS FILM
Dasal
Monday 5 January 2009
All Things Weird and Wonderful
Every time I return to the USA it seems like they've come up with something bigger, stranger and funnier than the last time I was here. Here are a few photos of why I love America, mostly in the food area:
Disclaimer: If you are from the USA you might find it strange that I find these things strange.
If you're ever feeling homesick just pick up this heart of England FIVE CHEESES IN ONE cheese and you'll feel five times less homesick! But maybe five times more sick to your stomach...
My brother actually did manage to eat a whole one of these...
Why don't we have a great cake selecgtion like this in supermarkets in the UK?
Just love the name of this one.
OMGZZZ NOW I CAN HAVE THAT SUPER HOT ZAC EFRON LOOK AT ME WHILE I EAT MY CEREALZZZZZ!!!!!!! HE IS SUPER HOT!!lk"£k:
A nice bucket o' ice cream for you (nicely modelled by my brother to give you an idea of size). Afterwards you can take it to the beach and make sand castles!!
Live Music Society needs to score some of these...
This is the classy way to drink green tea... by the gallon.
Edible Lego!! Build something... AND THEN EAT IT!!
Basically the same idea as the lego but in the shape of animals, made by your favorute tractor company!!!
Why go to Starbucks when you can go to BAD ASS COFFEE!!?
All this for ten bucks? Damn that's the cheapest guaranteed ring sting ever.
The new graffiti; tag the sky.
Disclaimer: If you are from the USA you might find it strange that I find these things strange.
If you're ever feeling homesick just pick up this heart of England FIVE CHEESES IN ONE cheese and you'll feel five times less homesick! But maybe five times more sick to your stomach...
My brother actually did manage to eat a whole one of these...
Why don't we have a great cake selecgtion like this in supermarkets in the UK?
Just love the name of this one.
OMGZZZ NOW I CAN HAVE THAT SUPER HOT ZAC EFRON LOOK AT ME WHILE I EAT MY CEREALZZZZZ!!!!!!! HE IS SUPER HOT!!lk"£k:
A nice bucket o' ice cream for you (nicely modelled by my brother to give you an idea of size). Afterwards you can take it to the beach and make sand castles!!
Live Music Society needs to score some of these...
This is the classy way to drink green tea... by the gallon.
Edible Lego!! Build something... AND THEN EAT IT!!
Basically the same idea as the lego but in the shape of animals, made by your favorute tractor company!!!
Why go to Starbucks when you can go to BAD ASS COFFEE!!?
All this for ten bucks? Damn that's the cheapest guaranteed ring sting ever.
The new graffiti; tag the sky.
Saturday 3 January 2009
New Years Resolutions
It's that wonderful time of the year again where i can make wishful promises to myself, talking of turning over a new life and taking my life in a better direction. This annual ritual is always a highlight of my year along with its accompanying healthy constructive week which, as custom dictates, follows.
This year my two main resolutions are biggies.
So far, this has taken me to new all heights of exercise, a whole 2 trips to the local "leisure centre" in the past two days accompanied by 8 fruit and veg' portions a day. Wow. I only tentatively use the term "leisure" centre. To get to the gym in this place takes one through seemingly endless lengths of cold bland subterranean corridors till one finally enters a cavernous cold room which i could only compare to some soviet "Olympic excellence camp." Even worse, upon leaving there is an arduous trek back up to sea level through dark dismally lit passageways, all the time with my muscles and joints aching. I liken this "leisure centre" experience with medieval torture.
Upon typing this I have started to question the point to this mission of turning over a new leaf because at the moment i feel shit. Heck, I can't wait till i fall to peer pressure and drop these resolutions. I'm missing my baby It Box and Woody Grill Kebab. I've heard there's a new game on the It Box, "Are you smarter than a 10 year old?" I know i am, I'm going to win this time, i can feel it. I can't wait. Screw my student debt and health.
I call for a resolution revolution. Down with theses foul things! What have they ever done for us except give us hope! nothing, and i intend to keep it that way.
Dasal
This year my two main resolutions are biggies.
- Get fit and healthy enough not to loose in the annual 10km race against one of my friends as per every year (whom unfortunately for me is also a triathlete).
- Give up the horrific devil machine which every day cons me out of £1. It lures me in with it's promises of riches and without fail, 10 minutes later i leave empty handed. Of course i am talking about that dreaded device, the "It Box."
So far, this has taken me to new all heights of exercise, a whole 2 trips to the local "leisure centre" in the past two days accompanied by 8 fruit and veg' portions a day. Wow. I only tentatively use the term "leisure" centre. To get to the gym in this place takes one through seemingly endless lengths of cold bland subterranean corridors till one finally enters a cavernous cold room which i could only compare to some soviet "Olympic excellence camp." Even worse, upon leaving there is an arduous trek back up to sea level through dark dismally lit passageways, all the time with my muscles and joints aching. I liken this "leisure centre" experience with medieval torture.
Upon typing this I have started to question the point to this mission of turning over a new leaf because at the moment i feel shit. Heck, I can't wait till i fall to peer pressure and drop these resolutions. I'm missing my baby It Box and Woody Grill Kebab. I've heard there's a new game on the It Box, "Are you smarter than a 10 year old?" I know i am, I'm going to win this time, i can feel it. I can't wait. Screw my student debt and health.
I call for a resolution revolution. Down with theses foul things! What have they ever done for us except give us hope! nothing, and i intend to keep it that way.
Dasal
'Moab is My Washpot' - Stephen Fry
Before I proceed I'd like to state that this is not a book review per se, but more of a book recommendation.At twenty years of age it seems like the perfect time to read Stephen Fry's wonderful autobiography, not only because it is the age at which he writes up to in his life, but because it is a clear message to all of us in doubt about our futures that no matter how badly you mess up things can still turn out well for you. Now you might say that we're not all going to have the same level of success and become the next host of QI but on the other had I doubt that the majority of us will get in anywhere near as much trouble as the young Mr. Fry did. I won't spoil the "plot" for those of you who don't know it, but it's safe to say that he had a torrid, tough and overall fascinating childhood and adolescence.
However it is not only the stories in the book that make it worth reading, but moreover the style and honesty with which they are written. Fry tells us about falling in love with English language early on in his life and how that love affair blossomed into something beautiful and terrifying throughout his life. It is obvious to anyone who has read, seen or heard anything that he's ever done that it is a flame that still burns in his heart today. The vocabulary is exceptional (you'll learn a lot of new words from reading this, and then if you're anything like me you'll have forgotten them by the end of the page), his influences range from modern day comics to nineteenth century poets and beyond, he can turn a simile like a hooker turns a trick and probably administer just as much pleasure in doing so. His writing style is not a stream-of-thought kind of style a la Jack Kerouac, but he does often go off on tangents in the middle of an anecdote to give his opinions on a range of things from homophobia to school games lessons. It may at first seem confusing or annoying but in the end will endear him more to the reader.
In this book he will make you laugh, cry and pause in awe at some of his feats; he holds nothing back (excpet a few identities); his emotions, sexuality and sins are all laid bare and put under intense scrutiny. A true tour-de-force of a life story that is a must read for any Stephen Fry fan.
Despite all the marvelous facets of this book that I've already mentioned perhaps the nicest one is that with the high brow writing style and flourishes of French there is no way to read this book without hearing Fry's deep and smooth voice articulating it to you inside your mind. It's a must read.
Rob
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