New Years Resolutions

It's that wonderful time of the year again where i can make wishful promises to myself, talking of turning over a new life and taking my life in a better direction. This annual ritual is always a highlight of my year along with its accompanying healthy constructive week which, as custom dictates, follows.

This year my two main resolutions are biggies.

1. Get fit and healthy enough not to loose in the annual 10km race against one of my friends as per every year (whom unfortunately for me is also a triathlete).
2. Give up the horrific devil machine which every day cons me out of £1. It lures me in with it's promises of riches and without fail, 10 minutes later i leave empty handed. Of course i am talking about that dreaded device, the "It Box."

Now, these two resolutions seem simple enough, well not really, but in this hopeful optimistic time of the year i have geared up my lumbering body and mind to confront this Herculean challenge. Why? I have no idea. I put myself through this arduous assault of aspiration every year to no avail. This year however, this is THE year.

So far, this has taken me to new all heights of exercise, a whole 2 trips to the local "leisure centre" in the past two days accompanied by 8 fruit and veg' portions a day. Wow. I only tentatively use the term "leisure" centre. To get to the gym in this place takes one through seemingly endless lengths of cold bland subterranean corridors till one finally enters a cavernous cold room which i could only compare to some soviet "Olympic excellence camp." Even worse, upon leaving there is an arduous trek back up to sea level through dark dismally lit passageways, all the time with my muscles and joints aching. I liken this "leisure centre" experience with medieval torture.

Upon typing this I have started to question the point to this mission of turning over a new leaf because at the moment i feel shit. Heck, I can't wait till i fall to peer pressure and drop these resolutions. I'm missing my baby It Box and Woody Grill Kebab. I've heard there's a new game on the It Box, "Are you smarter than a 10 year old?" I know i am, I'm going to win this time, i can feel it. I can't wait. Screw my student debt and health.

I call for a resolution revolution. Down with theses foul things! What have they ever done for us except give us hope! nothing, and i intend to keep it that way.

Dasal